I'm amusing myself contemplating the rogues gallery of connections, and the potent punch of one petite flack, and her curious power in LaLaLand . . . yes it's the Katie Couric of publicists, Kelly Mullens, as cute as a button and as pernicious as, dare I coin it, a Blond Widow, and maybe that's the title of the bio-pic's screenplay? . . . well at least the first draft anyway.
The casting suggestions are already in full swing I'm sure, but who could you possibly get to play Grazer, but Grazer? Well, maybe Seth Green if you starved him for a month, put his finger in a light socket, and used a ton of hair gel to cement the effect.
Let's have a virtual look at Ms. Mullens' address book.
Now that's what I call a CV . . . and I'll bet she's really something when the lights dim too, or to paraphrase Loudon Wainwright III "that Little (Blond) Riding Hood, she really does it to me".
Hey all you editors and publishers out there, maybe you can have one of Ms. Mullens' clients (and what a line-up we're talking about) guest-edit your opinions page . . . who knows what pro quo you might be able to get for a little quid?
I harken back in these ethically challenging times to the sage pronouncement of Mark Saylor, one of the great journalism-to-PR-with-no-qualms-crossover-artists in recent memory, and a former colleague of Mayer-Mullens (not that the distance between journalism and PR is the chasm it once was, morally or ideologically . . . no Snake River Canyon Knievel jump required), when he said, without dropping a stitch of irony mind you, that some of his clients may have "made mistakes or done wrong things, sure, but there's nothing I'm doing that I have the least ethical qualm about."
Says it all really.
I always get a touch nostalgic about my old home town and the tragicomic goings on in the industry . . . at least it affords me the opportunity to channel Richard Meltzer in the process of forming a response. In the famous words of someone, you couldn't make this shit up . . . well maybe you shouldn't anyway.
The casting suggestions are already in full swing I'm sure, but who could you possibly get to play Grazer, but Grazer? Well, maybe Seth Green if you starved him for a month, put his finger in a light socket, and used a ton of hair gel to cement the effect.
Let's have a virtual look at Ms. Mullens' address book.
- Judith Regan in her lawsuit with News Ltd., Murdoch, Ailes, Giuliani, et. al.
- AFTRA in their who's-selling-out-the-rank-and-file dispute with SAG (hey, we're all one union aren't we?) over the AMPTP contract
- Isaiah Washington in his struggles with Grey's Anatomy, T.R. Knight . . . and homophobia of course
- Cruise-Wagner and Valkyrie, or National Socialism meets Scientology and gets 'clear' . . . way clear, as it turns out, of a film that anyone will want to see. I understand that the cringe factor is quite high, and definitely not up to the comedic standards of "Mein Führer, I can walk!" . . . my lone script note was for the eyepatch to move from left to right several times during the course of the film, like Marty Feldman's (Eye-Gor's) hump in Young Frankenstein
- Quarterlife, and I never thought that after 30 Something I'd ever feel sorry for Zwick and Herskovitz, but how far one can descend from the brilliance of Blood Diamond to the depths of 20-something blog standard
- The McCourts and their stumbling, fumbling acquisition of the easy to buy but harder to sell the increased price of DDogs and seat license Dodgers . . . and you thought that O'Malley's land grab, rape of the inhabitants of Chavez Ravine half a century ago was venal . . . then a lawsuit with the Angels over who can use the letters LA (I hear they'll be taking Water & Power to (Mc)court soon . . . but watch out for Hollis Mulray!)
- R. Kelly and god knows what manner of depravity, was it Zappa who said "she's only thirteen, and she knows how to nasty", or is it the Firesign Theater's invocation of the great Morman leader Get'em Young that seems the more appropriate reference here?
- Paula Poundstone, and this one is better left alone really, but just for fun, see either Michael Jackson's playroom or the curiously aggressive female gym teacher and the pubescent pupil genre of cliches and celebrity nightmares where short haircuts and pantsuits are not optional . . . note to Ellen, we understand it signifies that one of you is playing the traditional male role, but do you really think we needed the extra visual aid to figure that one out?
- Tommy Lee and our collective cultural roll to the tattooed and pierced bottom of it all
- Brandy and the spin of her how-to-drive-like-a-man-slaughterer habits into a small fine and an apology to the victim's family
- And all this before the Andreas Martinez (yes there are red-headed people with Latin surnames who nonetheless look Irish), Grazergate, Sunday Opinion (are there any other kinds?), Allan Mayer-42 West-Fleishman Hillard-Universal Music, David Hiller, Chicago Tribune owned "substance-free" LATimes, editorial-news-PR-advertising-publishing-ethically challenged-everyone's in bed with everyone-no Chinese firewall-conflict of something if not interest (and who's really interested anyway), wacky, wonderful world of information we live in
Now that's what I call a CV . . . and I'll bet she's really something when the lights dim too, or to paraphrase Loudon Wainwright III "that Little (Blond) Riding Hood, she really does it to me".
Hey all you editors and publishers out there, maybe you can have one of Ms. Mullens' clients (and what a line-up we're talking about) guest-edit your opinions page . . . who knows what pro quo you might be able to get for a little quid?
I harken back in these ethically challenging times to the sage pronouncement of Mark Saylor, one of the great journalism-to-PR-with-no-qualms-crossover-artists in recent memory, and a former colleague of Mayer-Mullens (not that the distance between journalism and PR is the chasm it once was, morally or ideologically . . . no Snake River Canyon Knievel jump required), when he said, without dropping a stitch of irony mind you, that some of his clients may have "made mistakes or done wrong things, sure, but there's nothing I'm doing that I have the least ethical qualm about."
Says it all really.
I always get a touch nostalgic about my old home town and the tragicomic goings on in the industry . . . at least it affords me the opportunity to channel Richard Meltzer in the process of forming a response. In the famous words of someone, you couldn't make this shit up . . . well maybe you shouldn't anyway.
It's just another chapter in The Dazed of Our Lives.
yours,
downandunder
